Today I went Christmas shopping for myself. Rather, it was simply an excuse for me to waste time with a friend.

First, we went to a Vietnamese restaurant and had some noodle soup. It included beef, beef tendons, beef chunks, meatballs (beef), noodles, water, beef, and more beef. It was unsatisfying as I pointed out the presence of random stains on the supposedly clean curtains next to us. The meal ended soon afterwards.

Next we went into the Bay, and concluded that there were no attractive women, by any standards (and we tried lowering them), to be found. As I exited the Bay, I noticed the ICBC (Insurance Corporation of British Columbia, the government car insurance monopoly) Drivers’ Centre where teenagers go for their car licenses. Walking by, I recalled countless tales of my own bravery and courage in attaining my own Class 5 license. I then told my friend of a brave new world entitled East of Ontario where mere teenagers could enjoy and bask in the glory that is a full license, without undergoing a series of expensive and strenuous road tests beforehand. He told me to fuck off.

We then continued to the other areas of the mall, and I came to the agreement that we were, in fact, better humans and more attractive to the opposite sex due to our lack of a mall job. Watching minions slave away their life to make meager earnings was pitiful, so I make them productive by showing me different articles of clothing. I didn’t end up buying any.

Then we went to Chapters, where I spent many hours being a freeloader on their selection of books. I had a mystery gift card, so I purchased $60 dollars of books, only to find out it only had a value of $5. One of my purchases includes a gift for someone, and they’ll be appreciative to know that I took the liberty of ensuring its quality beforehand. The slight wrinkles in the book were there beforehand.

While I was waiting in line I was offered tiny candy canes by a temporary employee. I said no, and he gave me a look. I glared back. Smiles were supposed to be free, even for those who don’t enjoy sugar-coated sugar. Instead, I enjoyed another hour at Starbucks Coffee inside the Chapters, reading some more books. I came to the conclusion that any woman interested in me can purchase my soul for some books. I’m that cheap.

Future Shop was our next stop, and while I intended to purchase a CD from the Starbucks on the way there (there are 3 Starbucks and countless more cafés in Metrotown), fate was not smiling on me. I conceded defeat, and looked around in Future Shop. I laughed at the high markup of prices combined with the lack of quality. A little kid dropped a demonstration XBOX 360 controller by accident, and the employee was making him cry in public. I told him to stop picking on the kid, and left before another employee showed up.

Finally, I went to the public library, where I traded time for more reading. It would be great if someone, in addition to a Magic Bullet and other gifts, included the book titled Anywhere But Here from Mona Simpson on my gift list (or any other title from her). She’s a real literary gem, and happens to be Steve Jobs’ biological sister (though I only found out afterwards).

Thus, I’ve mentioned my day with insights and male superiority complex, while hinting at possible gifts (plural; more than one). I’ve also included a tale of valour and courage as I stood up for a little kid against a tyrant nerd employee.

Yours (for now, in a non-creepy way),

Chris

This ClashBang.com article was written by Chris Chu. Tired of privately venting his frustration in vain, Chris decided to share his discontent with the rest of the world.

This entry was posted on Monday, December 19th, 2005 at 2:19 am and is filed under . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.